I brought some “Yak Jerky” back from Lijiang, spicy and regular, and I have to say it’s pretty amazing. Listen, I’m no expert mind you. The only beef jerky I ever remember eating was on the way to Las Vegas at the Barstow Station, it was next to that big jar of whole pickled eggs (I almost threw up typing that). You already know when you’re on your way to Vegas that all bets are off (pun intended), anything goes and everything you previously thought rational is out the window…so you start the weekend off with beef jerky followed by a burger and fries to protect you from the 5 margarita’s you’ll be downing at Whiskey Pete’s because you can’t make the extra 30 miles to Vegas proper without a cocktail.
Side note. A million years ago I was celebrating New Year’s with a girlfriend and we were at Caesar’s Palace in their fancy pants restaurant spending our last dime on a very expensive meal. After the stroke of midnight, just before we were heading out, a man stopped at our table who looked very “Bond, James Bond” and threw a $1,000 chip on our table and said in a cool, deep voice, “have a nice New Year’s ladies”. Acting like we’d been pushing those things around on the roulette tables all night like a Shanghai gangster from the 1920’s, we simply said “thanks”. I think you can still see the burn marks our heels made in the carpet on the way to the cashier’s counter.
Back to the yak jerky. I ate like 5 pieces of the spicy jerky and if I can be honest, it feels like I have 35 terracotta warrior’s fighting for Peking Province inside my abdomen. When will I learn?? This is CHINA! Home to bleached filled tofu, paraffin rice, melanine milk, battery-operated vegetables (don’t ask)…I want all of you to get on your knees and say a prayer to the good ol’ USDA.