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Chickens and Cherry Pies

July 4, 2011 by admin

So I decided I was going to roast a chicken for dinner and headed out to the market on the scooter.  The streets seemed very busy today and I got behind a guy who was trying to ride his scooter while eating a cherry pie.  Since when have the Chinese taken to eating cherry pies??   Who cares, this thing looked delicious.  As with many things in a busy city, good can turn to bad in a Shanghai minute.  After this pie-eating fool finishes the last bite he throws the wrapper into the wind…which then whacks me on the shoulder.  After that, he took out a new pack of cigarettes, proceeded to open the pack, throw the wrapper on the ground, light the cigarette and put them away, all while swerving back and forth.  Yes, he has good taste in snacks and yes, he proved some good one-handed driving skill but let me tell you, I’d had it with this erratic driving, cherry pie eating, littering, smoking Chinese wunderkind.  But then, in another Shanghai minute, it brought me back to when I was a kid in middle school and my mom gave me 25 cents (it was a long damn time ago people) everyday to buy a snack and every day I bought a cherry pie, sometimes chocolate.  And I have the nerve to wonder why I was a chubby 12 yr. old.

Listen, it’s hot here.   And when it’s hot here, the stinks come out (you remember that Natalie, right?).  If you just walk two blocks you’ll get a combination smell of sewer, body-decay (probably mine) and Limburger cheese that’s been left out on a hot window sill for three days kind of thing.  It’s just so wrong.  Sometimes I notice Bernie get a whiff of something and  I can see the fear in his eyes like it’s telling him the end is near or worse, a city worker is going to come and have to “snake” the manhole again (I KNOW you remember that Natalie).   Oh my god, last year they had the manhole open for TWO WEEKS, dredging it or making soup, whatever they do down there and I’m telling you that if Paris Hilton had popped out of that hole wearing a maxi dress and tiara it wouldn’t have scared me more than that smell did.

Happy July 4th America!! (can someone explain to me why the fattest nation on earth celebrates people who can shove the most hot dogs down their throats??!)

In honor of your Independence, I mowed the lawn (beer not pictured).  Don’t say I never do anything around here!


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