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November, 2011

  1. Trypto (not a) phan

    November 28, 2011 by admin

    Thanksgiving was 5 days ago and I’ve still got the sleepies, I’m a sluggish mess.   It was a fun party though, we celebrated this grand American holiday with 2 Americans, 5 Australians, 1 Greek and an Italian.  The Greek made a carrot cake which will be attached to my thighs for the rest of my life. Damn him and his evil baking skills.

    I could also be tired because my friend Jeannie was here visiting and we basically left no stone unturned, or better, spit pile.  We even went up the Pearl Tower where you can walk out onto a glass floor high up in the air while the strong winds make you feel like you’re going to be sucked out, plunging hundreds of feet to your death.  But the best part was the elevator ride down.  You basically wait in this large area with no queue and then when the elevator arrives about 95 Chinese people come pushing behind you until your face is smashed up against the side of the elevator wall where if I could have moved my head slightly I would have been able to read the sign that says “Maximum Capacity 12”.  Jeannie was even lucky enough to get felt up by a very large German tourist, so it was all worth it really.  We rode around town on the Scooteretta (where Jeannie recited 3 Hail Mary’s en Espanol), paid a visit to Amy at Bell bar, lost Bernie AGAIN in Moganshan as he chased a chicken down the mountain, walked Yu Gardens, Bund, Shanghai Museum, M50, went to scout out elderly men walking around in the winter Jammies, but most importantly downed some cocktails at El Coctel and then watched the Vietnamese band at Luna singing everything from Hotel California to Hell’s Bells.  Normal stuff.

    It was a great time Jeannie!!






  2. Yao za!

    November 17, 2011 by admin

    Yao Ming on the plane.  Please note that everyone else’s head fits nicely against the headrest.

  3. Yakkity Yak

    November 8, 2011 by admin

    I brought some “Yak Jerky” back from Lijiang, spicy and regular, and I have to say it’s pretty amazing.  Listen, I’m no expert mind you.  The only beef jerky I ever remember eating was on the way to Las Vegas at the Barstow Station, it was next to that big jar of whole pickled eggs (I almost threw up typing that).   You already know when you’re on your way to Vegas that all bets are off (pun intended), anything goes and everything you previously thought rational is out the window…so you start the weekend off with beef jerky followed by a burger and fries to protect you from the 5 margarita’s you’ll be downing at Whiskey Pete’s because you can’t make the extra 30 miles to Vegas proper without a cocktail.

    Side note.  A million years ago I was celebrating New Year’s with a girlfriend and we were at Caesar’s Palace in their fancy pants restaurant spending our last dime on a very expensive meal.  After the stroke of midnight, just before we were heading out, a man stopped at our table who looked very “Bond, James Bond” and threw a $1,000 chip on our table and said in a cool, deep voice, “have a nice New Year’s ladies”.   Acting like we’d been pushing those things around on the roulette tables all night like a Shanghai gangster from the 1920’s, we simply said “thanks”.   I think you can still see the burn marks our heels made in the carpet on the way to the cashier’s counter.

    Back to the yak jerky.  I ate like 5 pieces of the spicy jerky and if I can be honest, it feels like I have 35 terracotta warrior’s fighting for Peking Province inside my abdomen.  When will I learn??  This is CHINA!  Home to bleached filled tofu, paraffin rice, melanine milk, battery-operated vegetables (don’t ask)…I want all of you to get on your knees and say a prayer to the good ol’ USDA.