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  1. And all that jazz

    April 3, 2016 by admin

    At around the age of 22, knees hurting and a new life chapter achingly awaiting, I decided to quit dancing after more than 11 years of plies, triple time-steps and head rolls.  I was still recovering from the shock of losing my father and needed more stability, i.e., a steady paycheck.  I folded up the leg warmers, boxed up the tap, jazz and ballet shoes and put my jazz hands to use on a computer finding my way to corporate America!  I really liked being in the professional world of pie chart reports, conference room meetings and the closed-door chatter on IRR, NOI and PMS.  Nobody loves a pencil skirt with a great pair of heels more than I do and I’m proud to say that I can run down a hallway wearing both!  I also love a bonus check which I would spend every dime of on a fabulous vacation (I was never good at “saving for a rainy day”, it never rains in California!).  I spent a good 26 years in different companies, some better than others, but they were mostly good years and by that I mean that it would take 2 plus novels to write about those years and too many of the characters are still alive so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

    So now back at present day I decide that I miss dancing, really really miss dancing and sign myself up for a beginning jazz class at Broadway Dance Center, literally in the heart of Broadway (THE Broadway,  people).  The first 45 minutes are warm up and movement and it’s a piece of cake.  Then the instructor starts the dance combination and after the first 8 counts I turn into Lucy Ricardo trying to get through a number at Ricky’s club.  Think Jerry Lewis in “Hollywood or Bust” or Jerry Lewis in any Jerry Lewis movie for that matter.  When the teacher was moving into the 3rd count of 8, I moved towards my purse and promptly headed out the door.  I managed to make it out of the studio before the purple of my bruised ego started to show and the tears started welling.  It only took me two years to get over that day but I’m proud to announce I’ve since started tap classes again and I’m doing GREAT!  I don’t know why my muscle memory for tap is so much better but I’m happy it’s there and I go every week.  Who knows, before long I may be on my way back to BROADWAY!   “a five, six, seven, EIGHT!”

    Well, there’s always skiing…


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  2. This just in

    February 2, 2016 by admin

    If you know me than you know I love to travel and nothing has ever stopped me from going somewhere I want to go.  Once I even joined thousands inside St. Peter’s Cathedral to see Pope John Paul giving a beatification ceremony and it was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done.  Sardines packed tightly in a metal box had nothing on us.  I was packed in by crazy Catholics…in olive oil…couldn’t move nor breathe which led to my first anxiety attack.  Am I just getting old or does it seem like there’s something going on everywhere?!  Zika virus is spreading.  ISIS has recruited nut jobs to plot evil near our favorite European cities, Sweden (our equal, fair and ever-boring Sweden) has large amounts of neo-nazi’s lurking in masks,  Africa, well let’s face it, something is always going on there and now China is there too wreaking havoc, where is one supposed to travel in peace?!  California has an ongoing gas leak, Texas has open-carry laws making sure you can get wasted or go to college (simultaneously more likely) while packing heat, in Wisconsin you’ll be killed “accidentally” by a hunter, in NYC you’ll be killed by a taxi driver while crossing the street, in Yellowstone Park you’ll be gorged by a Bison but only if you try to get close and take a selfie.  Sometimes I want to gorge people taking selfies.

    And you know what else, the skinny jean is over.  That’s right folks, take it in slowly, breathe.  We saw signs of this last year in Paris and London, Chloe’s last resort collection pretty much showed us the future but now Brooklyn is on board with Manhattan to follow shortly.  Of course it will take years to reach the suburbs of Colorado, they just barely stopped wearing the low-cut, thong-baring, muffin-top creating pairs, ala young (or old) Britney Spears.  Big changes like this take time and let’s be honest, we have so many pairs what will happen to them?!   We could try making jean purses again or maybe doggie jean jackets?  Those never go out of style.

    Don’t be scared, change is good.

     

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  3. Hashtag this

    December 17, 2015 by admin

    I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been a little on edge lately.  Is it the hectic holiday season?  Is it because we’re moving…again?  Is it ISIS?  No, no, no, no, no, noooooooo it’s none of those things.

    It’s Donald Trump.  He’s everywhere.  EVERYWHERE!  He’s on the radio, the TV, the “internet”.  He was even in my dream although not last night’s, in that dream I was in an episode of Girls and Lena Dunham and I were having a really witty and clever conversation about the Lower East Side vs. West Village restaurants and overall vibe while eating a white fluffy cake with a cherry on it.  Swear to god but back to Trump.  He’s leading the Republican polls which just shows you that bigotry, racism and stupidity are alive and well in America.  Admittedly, the wing nuts running beside him aren’t much better but they ARE quieter.  When you see all those poorly dressed, angry, white, middle-aged and elderly people at his rallys (let’s not forget the ones that give the Heil Hitler) you wonder what in the hell are they so angry about?!  If you were born in America and are straight and white, you have absolutely nothing to be angry about.  You had life handed to you on a silver platter, every opportunity and have nobody to blame for your failures other than you.  Stop your sobbing.  Stop being angry and stop hating on everyone that doesn’t look like you, read your bible, uses Planned Parenthood, wants to marry their same-sex partner and believes that climate change is real thing that we contribute to!

    It’s my blog and I’ll rant if I want to.  I’m going to go have some wine and watch the Judy Garland Christmas special again.  I suggest you do the same.

    #dumptrump #trumpsachump #dothehumptytrump #givetrumpalump #stoptrumpatthepump #trumpgavemethemumps #bumptrump #trumpshairclumps #withtrumpiaminthedumps #nomoreplumpingtrumpsego

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  4. A Bubbly Life

    December 11, 2015 by admin

    They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but I’m pretty sure there are people in mental institutions who would disagree.   Life can be hard!  But I believe if you have a roof over your head, people you love who love you back and have a curiosity and passion for life, it can help get you  through the difficult times.   I have a wonderful (French Senegalese) friend who told me the secret to his 40 year relationship is that he insisted as long as there is champagne and a housekeeper things will be fine.  I’ll drink to that amazing advise.

    When I was young, before I ever considered kids, I wanted large amounts of animals.  I’m not sure if that was before or after I learned that a baby comes out of a tiny opening between one’s legs or that you are responsible for it for at least 18 years, possibly life.  And it certainly didn’t help that I learned about sex at a tender young age while my ear was pressed to my sister’s bedroom door as she and her friend discussed things I couldn’t believe were true, let alone something my parents did 6 times!!  So it goes that an animal sanctuary filled with young and old dogs, goats and potbelly pigs just seemed easier and more palpable.

    Except for actually liking physical contact with a male, not much has changed.  I still want a ranch house with a huge yard filled with all kinds of animals (and a ranch hand to help me out for godssakes).  I want to give a good life to as many abandoned, hungry, sick, or just plain sweet and homeless animals I can find.  I also want a wine bar, world peace and a flat stomach but I believe a girl should have lots of dreams, one or two…will not do!   And lots of champagne and a housekeeper please.

    In the meantime, I shall give my time, money (Ken’s) and efforts to helping those groups helping the animals.  Here are just of few.

    Best Friends Animal Organization

    Sea Shepherd Global

    Guardians of Rescue

    Mercy for Animals

     

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  5. Bernie’s Tale

    October 21, 2015 by admin

    Bernie just turned 11 years old.  Last year when he turned 10 I thought it was time to honor his life and tell the tale of that fateful day in September of 2009.  Apparently that was not the case because I’m now telling it a year later.

    I had just quit my job and was starting my new life with Ken.  We knew we were moving to China in several months and thought we should start living together as soon as possible.  Ken had a job in Aspen at the time and we were there for about two weeks when I left for LA to get home and pack for the move.  I left Bernie with him because he was going to fly back a few days later on a company jet and Bernie could fly easily with him.  I flew home economy, just wanted to add that.  The day after I got home I was getting ready for my garage sale.   It was a very difficult time you know, selling my my early 1960’s stand-alone bar to some bearded hipster, practically giving away a late 60’s bright green hanging chandelier and most notably having to part with the blue suede Bottega Veneta wedges I paid a fortune for but simply couldn’t wear for more than 5 minutes.   I would be leaving my Silverlake cottage behind with my sister living next door which meant no more girl’s nights watching Project Runway with pop corn in bed, no more late nights dancing to Chaka Khan, no more drunken nights spent at the Conq, blah, blah, blah, there were tears involved.

    Midway through the garage sale I got the call from Ken.  Bernie was inside the rental car parked outside the office and somehow managed to injure his spinal cord (probably flying around the seats after spotting a squirrel).  He would be driving him to a neurology specialist in Denver for an MRI which would then confirm a very bad bruising of the spinal cord but fortunately no break.  He was paralyzed in all 4 legs but the doctor was fairly certain he’d regain the use of the back legs at some point and we’d just have to hope for the front legs.  Whoa.

    After spending a week in the hospital they told me he should now be home with me to recuperate.  The doctor said he has a better chance of regaining his legs because he has a very strong will and a huge desire to move.  When I picked him up at the hospital they handed him over like he was a pillow I was supposed to make a bed with.  Limp and lifeless.  He gave me a stare right through to my soul that said he was happy to see me and WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED AND WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?

    The first month was really hard, I was frustrated and cried often.  I had to carry him out to pee and poop and lay him on the ground.  I never knew when he had to go so it was constant.  I bought him a stroller and would take him out for walks and eventually down to the Pain Quotidien so I could sit outside and enjoy a cappuccino.  One day a woman sitting next to me asked me, “why don’t you just let him walk?”.  I took another sip of coffee, pulled a 9-millimeter out of the side stroller pocket and shot her.  Not really, I just calmly explained he’s PARALYZED and then wondered, “what was your reasoning behind wearing bedazzled pink sweatpants and porn shoes??!!”.

    He soon began getting strength in his back legs.  I knew this when one day we were walking in my neighborhood and a squirrel ran across the stroller and his back legs sprang so hard he flew out of the stroller.   I also took him 3 times a week to a rehab center where he did all kinds of therapies including swimming, massage and ultra sound and this it what really got him back on his feet, so to speak.  It is also why he was nicknamed the Ten Thousand Dollar Dog (thank you Ken).  His front legs eventually came back too, they aren’t 100% but they are better than most other dogs.  Not long after he recovered we moved to China where he had a whole new set of experiences.  For those stories you just have to go back to this blog’s very beginning.

    That’s Bernie’s Tale, one of them anyway, but the one that bonded us in a very special way.

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  6. Chia Seeds made me fat

    October 13, 2015 by admin

    Not really, but I know they’re good for you so I try to eat some every morning with my yogurt.  They’re such little buggers it makes me wonder how many I have to eat to get the benefits and how much is too many?  So many things to think about.

    Like how I was thinking this morning that in these times of upcoming elections, having to see Donald Trump every day in the news, the topic of gun control or abortion it’s hard not to judge people.  We assume that people who want to own 15 assault rifles are bad people, killers or even sociopaths.  Frankly, I’m most certain they are but we don’t have to judge.

    I pride myself on my ability to accept others and their differences. My parents taught me this and I try to carry it on. Find the g0od in all or the God in the good (did I just make that up?) whatever, we are all one and should treat each other with respect and that includes drunk commenting on Facebook.  The only thing I can’t or won’t tolerate is someone who doesn’t like avocados.   I just can’t.  How do you NOT like them? It can’t be a texture thing.  A sweet or sour thing. It’s impossible to understand and makes me think they are just bad people.  I mean really.

    But I digress.  I was in London last weekend and attended the Dolphins vs. Jets game.  I know, I know, the Dolphins lost (so not pretty), the coach got fired the next day but since I’m not the owner it was a really really fun time!  We also enjoyed an incredible dinner and dancing at 5 Hercourt Place, cheered the Dolphins on at Wembley stadium and met Dan Marino who is my new BFF.   To top it off, when we returned home to Water Mill there were turkeys in the meadow!!!  I love them, no judgement.

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  7. You’re funny, god.

    September 17, 2015 by admin

    Ken is allergic to mosquito bites.  We know this because if he should get even one bite it swells up into a blister, drives him mad with itching and in turn he will drive me to madness with his endless complaining.  “I couldn’t work all day”.  “The itching kept me up all night”.  “I think one got in through the front door”.  We live on the 51st floor of an apartment complex, lest you forget.

    Okay so this is how I know there’s a God and he has a wicked sense of humor, or Karma as some like to call it.  We’re back in the city on a really humid night and walking the dogs.  I have a short summer dress on.  We do our usual walk, 20 minutes, come home and I notice about 25 mosquito bites on one leg!  The other leg only had about 10.  They were all over, up and down my leg, in between my toes and up my thigh which got me thinking bad thoughts that kept ME up all night.  The itching!!  The swelling!!  I was embarrassed to wear shorts for days.  Jenny came into town the next day and all I did was obsess over it.  “They itch like crazy?”.  “People will think I have the measles!”.   I’m pretty sure she still loves me though.  Pretty sure.

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  8. Jho

    September 16, 2015 by admin

    I dropped Jenny off at the airport this morning after 6 perfect days in the Hamptons and it was so sad to see her go.  Niu Niu might be the most droopy about it.  When she’s around the world is right and a million times funnier.    Ken and I took her out sailing on the windiest day we’ve ever sailed, we came back wet and haggard but she still had a smile on her face.  We walked the entirety of the Elizabeth Morton Reserve coast, swam in the clearest ocean water, dodged some wild turkeys, body surfed, played smash ball, drank French 75’s, stalked Isaac Mizrahi at Estia’s and somehow whenever she’s around I am able to throw out my favorite term, “bloody stump” in a sentence at least once!

    Now it’s back to NYC and the return of Fall.  My bathing suits will soon be put away, shorts no more and my shelves will be filled with sweaters in varying shades of oatmeal.  But the memories of summer are still so fresh, like a recently picked heirloom tomato or a surfer with a bloody stump.

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  9. Sweaty Betty

    August 26, 2015 by admin

    It’s hard to believe it’s already the end of August, even though it’s hot and humid as only August can be.  The streets of NYC are in full stink, young girls are donning tight and completely inappropriate clothing, strangers are passed out on stoops and yet, you can already smell the impending fear of winter coming.   It’s around the corner, you know it and you’re scared to turn.  Just like guy who’s forever around the corner handing out gym memberships and yelling “COMING AT YOU, COMING AT YOU!!”.  Um, yes you are and it makes me want to punch you in the face.

    It’s been a great summer though.  I’ve had wonderful friends come (Alison, Natalie, Marie and Carlo, Erica and Bill) and more to come.  Ken and I took sailing lessons and they now let us take the boat out by ourselves!  We each learned what to do but have naturally fallen into our roles of Ken doing the tacking and I do the steering, makes sense right?   I gassed up the scooter for the first time and it cost me $3.49!  There’s still more time for paddle boarding, body surfing, bike riding, hiking (if you don’t get lost, right Natalie?) and turkey burgers on the grill but one must not be foolish and waste one minute.

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    We’ve had a frog (pictured here if you can see him) lounging around for the last two weeks.  I’m considering building him a pool cabana with mini fridge if he stays much longer.

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  10. Silver (haired) Seas

    July 15, 2015 by admin

    It’s kind of sad when you take your summer vacation trip and then in a blink of an eye (and 55 martinis later) it’s all over, you know?  But I don’t want to be sad, I just want to remember what an amazing time I had floating on the Silver Sea Whisper from port to shiny port.  Pulling out of the Stockholm archipelago started our journey (all 300 of us) into the Baltic for a week of bliss.  It was just all so great, nee the moment when our very interesting tour guide was in the middle of telling us the history of Tallinn, Estonia on the bus and the couple from NYC just had to tell, or better yell, to the Australian’s “oh yes, we have a place in the Hamptons but we live on 86th and Central Park West, have for years, we love it and our son lives in Tribeca”.   It was then that I jumped out of my seat, waved my arms at them and told them to BE QUIET!” (I had several guests thank me later).  They just wouldn’t shut up and of course had loud, nasally voices that only a crow could screech over.   And who cares where your son lives!?!   I wanted to tell her that my dog Bernie recently moved to a brownstone on the Upper West Side except everyone knows that’s not true.  He’d prefer a modern flat in the heart of Hell’s Kitchen; he does love his off-Broadway theater and a good choice of gay bars, what can I say.

    Back to cruising of another kind.  Here was the itin.

    Stockholm, Sweden – Beautiful green country (when it’s not covered in snow), lots of Volvos, blonds and smoked fish.  Nice people who believe in using only the smallest amount of words necessary.

    Talinn, Estonia – unbelievable and fairly recent escape from Russian occupation (singing got them through it, no joke).  Interesting old town with friendly people who all speak English.  Want to go back and explore their forests more.

    St. Petersburg, 3 days – you need at least that to get through the major palaces, my god.  Elizabeth loved her glitz and gold, Catherine not so much.  The palace and gardens at Peterhof were unbelievable only to be topped by the Hermitage museum at the Winter Palace where we were treated to a special musical performance.  Brilliant.  In St. Petersburg (and maybe all of Russia) it’s really lacking in any fashion sense and it appears a sense of humor but what do I know.  The city is truly beautiful but they say they only get at most 60 days of sunshine a year so that might account for the droopy faces and poor fashion choices.  Moving on.

    Helsinki, Finland – a lengthy bike tour through the old town, woods and residential areas showed me this is an amazingly beautiful place with hearty people who appreciate every second they’re not frozen right through.

    Copenhagen, Denmark – this is where the cruise ends but the fun keeps going.  The most bike friendly city I’ve ever seen, Ken and I rode to every last corner.  We ate amazing food, visited the Mermaid sculpture, saw Jamie Cullum at Tivoli gardens (we also rode a roller coaster there), drove through “hippie town” where I considered buying a joint and/or hash being sold and living in one of the wooden shacks for the rest of my life.  What a great city.  What a great trip.

    In no particular order

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